I have a love-hate relationship with New Year’s Resolutions. On one hand, it’s a great way to annually check-in with yourself, to audit what is and isn’t working, and to set new intentions. On the other hand, it can create unnecessary pressure to change completely overnight (while making you feel guilty when you can’t do the impossible). In the past, I’ve inevitably felt “behind” on my goals or like I’ve “fallen off the wagon” when I revert to old habits. When motivation starts to wane and resolutions fall by the wayside, past me would do one of three things: quit the resolutions entirely, force myself to wipe the slate clean and start over, or berate myself for falling behind.
But the idea that my worth should be tied to how rapidly I can achieve my goals is propaganda I’ve stopped falling for. I no longer view goals as finish lines I have to rush to. Rather, they’re elements within the life I’m building. Now, when I start feeling “behind” on my goals or reverting to old habits, I turn to a 20-minute reset practice that helps me acknowledge where I am and adjust as needed (key ingredients for sustainable success). Read on for my 4-step goal reset:
“I no longer view goals as finish lines I have to rush to. Rather, they’re elements within the life I’m building.”
1. Evaluate what’s draining your energy
Working toward our best selves takes energy, which means anything that is draining our energy needs to be limited or cut out completely. This can be doomscrolling on social media during times when you could be working toward your reading goals, spending time with people who tear you down instead creating relationships with people who lift you up, or constantly comparing yourself to other people’s progress rather than focusing on your own. Sometimes we don’t even realize these are energy drainers, but try to limit or cut out these drainers and see what a difference it makes with your energy as you reset.
When I made a pact with myself to do whatever it took to achieve my goals, it was clear that this couldn’t happen if my energy was being drained by things that weren’t aligned with my goals and intentions. For example, I can be a procrastinator at times–especially when I’m scared to step out of my comfort zone (even when I know it will put me one step closer to my goal). Procrastination was my energy drainer, so I actively try to limit it, which creates more energy I can put toward actions aligned with my goals.
2. Edit your goals along the way
It’s easy to feel tied to our goals once we set them. We put in time and energy to create our vision boards and map out our intentions for the year, so it can feel like a failure if we had to change our initial goals and plans. But we should give ourselves permission to edit and adjust our goals when we need to because it’s an inherent part of pursuing goals.
At the start of 2024, I made it a goal to write the first draft of my book. I planned how many pages I would write a day, set deadlines on my calendar, and pinned multiple inspirational photos related to publishing. My priorities shifted when I discovered that I wanted to become a freelance writer. This meant I would have little-to-no time to stick to the detailed plan I had for my book because I had to focus on building a freelance career. So I did a life edit. I found new photos to put on my vision board, wrote out my strategy to grow as a freelancer, and reminded myself this edit isn’t the end of my goal—it’s a redirection.
3. Adjust your expectations
I’m not the only one who sets unreasonably high expectations for the new year (I’m talking about a full transformation at the stroke of midnight with the expectation that I can sustain these changes). It took some time to realize I was doing a disservice to myself when I expected drastic changes in just a few weeks. Change takes time, especially if we want them to last.
Shifting our expectations from “I need to glow up and manifest my dream life right now” to “There are good things in my life right now that I can enjoy as I pursue my goals” gives us space to appreciate where we are, instead of treating the present like something to rush through. To put this into practice, write down what’s already good in your life (not just what you’re trying to fix or achieve). And revisit it when you start feeling behind to remind yourself that progress isn’t only measured by what’s next.
4. Choose one small action that feels doable right now
It’s overwhelming when we bombard ourselves with all these new goals at the start of the year. When I start feeling behind on my goals and notice that I’m getting overwhelmed, I pause and ask myself, “What is doable right now?” I’m currently practicing Ayurveda, an ancient holistic wellness practice, and it requires a lot of lifestyle changes. Initially, I tried to make these changes in one week: everything from my diet to yoga practices to my morning and night routine. By week two, trying to keep up with so many changes took its toll and I was tempted to ditch the entire practice altogether. So I decided to slow down and pick just one change I could focus on for this month and build the changes in more slowly overtime.
Look at your resolutions and pick one thing that you can do right now. Is laying out your workout clothes before you go to sleep at night? Searching for flights for a solo trip? Or is it planning an Admin Night with your friends? Choose one small thing and allow it to be a gentle nudge back toward your goals.
This article was written by Aaliyah Alexander, is a writer, content creator, and blogger based in Brandon, Mississippi. Learn more about her at here.