I usually like to keep things positive. I like to talk with my clients about what they can do to improve themselves and promote better mental and physical health. However, part of my job is to help people identify behavior patterns that prevent them from reaching their goals. That means that we have to talk about bad habits and other behaviors that become obstacles to their progress.
We all have some habits that are hard to break, that we realize are not the best behaviors to repeat. But it’s hard for us to fully recognize the negative impact they can have on our ability to be productive and to lead the most fulfilling and meaningful life that we can. The purpose of this blog post is to call out some of those bad habits. If you notice that some of them sound familiar, consider whether getting them out of your life would help you to become the person that you want to be.
Spending too much time scrolling on your phone
I am sure I’m not the first therapist to mention that spending too much time scrolling the Internet or reading the comments people post on social media is not the best use of our time. Most of us are guilty of this one, but some of us spend hours every day scrolling the phone at every free moment. If this is you, think about what you could do instead. Ask yourself if anything that you discover while scrolling your phone is of value or importance to your life.
Reading news headlines, wishing friends a happy birthday on Facebook, or scrolling your vacation pictures on Instagram can be positive. Set aside an amount of time, such as an hour, to look at your phone each day. Then close your apps and move onto something else. If you want some positive reinforcement for making that choice, write down everything you do in the time that you would’ve been scrolling. You’ll be amazed at how much you will accomplish.
Spending all of your free time binge watching shows
It’s easy to get really invested in binge watching our favorite shows, especially now that we don’t have to wait to find out what happens. But the problem with regularly binge watching, while it can be enjoyable and relaxing, is when it becomes our primary entertainment at the expense of connecting with people or engaging in other hobbies.
You come home on a weeknight after a long day, and you want to do laundry and make dinner, but you get sucked into a show, and before you know it, it’s time to go to bed, or you’ve fallen asleep with your iPad on your lap. After several consecutive days of this, you’re feeling anxious and guilty because tasks are piling up. The negative feelings ultimately outweigh the temporary enjoyment.
Instead, schedule time, maybe on a weeknight or on a weekend, when you binge watch shows. Put it on the calendar, so you have it to look forward to but you don’t fall into the trap of bingeing spontaneously.
Letting other people take up space in your head
Many people become very focused on what others think of them. They also worry or overthink how an interaction went with someone. They become so focused on how others perceive them or whether someone likes them that it consumes a lot of energy. Other people constantly judge others, viewing them negatively and drawing a lot of conclusions from their own thoughts. None of this is productive, and convincing ourselves how others feel about us or what they think of us will not change what the truth is. Instead, focus on what you think about yourself.
Spending time with people that you don’t really connect with
We often fall into patterns of hanging out with co-workers, neighbors, or acquaintances when we don’t really enjoy it. Maybe there’s someone you met through a mutual friend, they invited you to hang out, and you accepted to be polite. You go get coffee, but when you come home you wish you’d spent those two hours doing something that you’re passionate about. Similarly, most of us have a friendship that doesn’t mean as much to us as it does to the other person. You can pass the time with them, but is that a good way to spend your time?
Decide who are the most important people for you to spend time with. Practice saying no to things that don’t excite you and won’t give you genuine joy or contentment. If you don’t really want to go, don’t feel an internal pressure to say yes just because it was a nice gesture.
Making excuses for why you keep doing the same things
We’ve all experienced something like this: We come home from work, and we know that we need to go to the gym to meet our fitness goals, but we decide to binge watch TV instead. We can talk ourselves out of feeling bad about it. Maybe we had a long day. And it’s ok to give ourselves a break. But if you’re consistently making excuses instead of making progress on your goals, it’s time to intervene.
The solution is to talk back to yourself: I am tired, so I’ll do a quick work out. Or, I’ll get the laundry done, and then I can watch an hour of TV. Interjecting self talk will help you break the cycle.
Breaking the cycles of bad habits will help you feel better about yourself. The goal isn’t to make you feel guilty, it’s to get rid of guilt around behaviors that are holding you back. Everybody gets stuck in cycles sometimes, and we have to keep trying to break out and hold ourselves accountable. Feeling ashamed and embarrassed will actually hold you back from breaking the cycle, and it will take longer to establish good habits.
This article was written by Carla Shuman, Ph.D., is the owner and director of Mindful Solutions, LLC in Arlington, Virginia, a private practice that provides comprehensive mental health services with a mission to promote resilience.