Committing to promises we make to others usually feels natural, like submitting a client project on time, reminding Mom about a distant relative’s birthday, or picking up an old friend in another town. One popular theory says we keep our words to others to avoid guilt for not meeting their expectations.
When we make promises to ourselves, it gets more complicated. We’re the only ones who expect anything. There is no one to hold us accountable for sticking to our words and meeting our personal tasks. According to a study, only 8% of adults achieve their goals. It’s time to improve these statistics.
But first:
Do you let work goals overshadow your personal ones?
It’s essential to draw a clear line. We can be productive, meet deadlines, and complete tasks, but at the end of the day, we find that we did nothing but work. All personal goals get lost under the wave of never-ending “to-dos.”
Let’s look at the diagram below. The left side shows examples of work goals, such as daily emailing rituals and project deadlines. The right side lists personal goals, including saving for an emergency fund, taking acting classes, establishing workout routines, and writing a novel.
Between them lies a touchpoint where personal and work goals meet. Getting a promotion, in our case. All bonuses and salary increases are also here. This touchpoint is both work and personal: when we meet tasks and deadlines (work), it leads to a promotion (touchpoint), which then impacts our personal goals (like emergency fund).
However, the emergency fund is not directly tied to work goals since we can add to our savings with other sources (by writing and publishing a novel, for example). Personal goals are mostly under our control since we can predict and affect results.
We have control over work goals, too—remember this tendency to keep our promises given to others? We know that we’ll likely achieve work goals (like submitting a client project) if we neatly stick to those deadlines from above.
Where we have no control over results is that touchpoint in the middle—promotion and other work benefits. We can set a desired deadline, but there are no guarantees that it will happen. Nevertheless, it’s where we tend to put most of our energy and focus.
And that’s where we can get stuck.
We set deadlines to strive in our careers and work hard to get credit, but we get upset if we don’t—that’s something out of control, like when managers change their minds and postpone a promotion for an unknown time. It is not pleasant to realize that we don’t have other goals besides career ones.
When we decide to switch towards personal goals—where we have both our own deadlines and control—it’s satisfying at first. Let’s call it “the magic of a new settled dream.” But it quickly dissipates when the deadline we set (if we do) approaches and requires some real actions. At this point, we often either postpone deadlines or decline them altogether.
Why do we keep breaking personal deadlines?
In his article “Procrastination and Obedience,” George A. Akerlof explains that procrastination occurs because our perception of costs and benefits is changing.
When we set our goals, we’re motivated, thinking we are like superheroes ready to spread our wings. We dream about future benefits and neglect the current efforts required to achieve these goals.
But, as the deadline comes closer and we need to take action, our perception of costs and benefits changes. The effort now feels heavier, and the potential future rewards seem less and less important under such pressure.
Setting personal deadlines and not considering what’s involved makes it hard to make progress. It is especially true when we’re free to adjust time frames since we’re our own bosses who settle them.
To minimize such shifts in our preferences, we can learn to set realistic promises so that future benefits will glow throughout the process and current efforts will not seem so scary.
So, how can we set non-overwhelming personal deadlines?
3 Tips to Successfully Set Personal Deadlines
1. Don’t set a deadline for a major task. Set a deadline for its small parts.
With big goals, it’s tricky to set realistic deadlines. Short timeframes usually cause stress since we try to shove all tasks into a tight schedule. Longer ones are not much better: they give ample time to put things off and, therefore, nurture procrastination. One study shows that extended deadlines can drive workers to believe the task is more complicated than it is and thus postpone it. It’s just the same with personal ones.
To find this balance between it’s-too-much and let’s-delay-it deadlines, it makes sense to break down a big goal into smaller parts and set deadlines for each small goal, not at the vast mountain as a whole. By setting and crossing off each achievement, we find out naturally when we’ll likely achieve the goal.
For example, I want to appear in a comedy movie as a supporting character. Let’s say it’s my big goal.
To climb this mountain, I define my subgoal: to attend acting classes three times a week.
It’s easier but still tricky to set a deadline, so let’s get even more specific.
Like to attend my very first acting class. It is achievable and easy to manage.
Now, I’m breaking down this small goal into even smaller tasks:
- Research and list all acting classes for adults in my hometown — November 20.
- Review each acting school’s website and social media, and read reviews — November 21–22.
- Research each school’s entry requirements. Note pros and cons (teachers’ qualifications, price, training style, online availability, etc.) — November 23.
- Select 1-3 schools that feel like the best fit and call to inquire about signing up for a trial class — November 24.
- Choose the trial class option and schedule it for the earliest available date—November 25.
Each step is clear, and I know that by November 25, I’ll finish my tasks, and in just a few days, I’ll attend my first acting class. Next, I’ll enroll in regular acting classes.
I’ll go through the same process with each small goal I can define within the big one. Then, with simple math, I calculate how much time it takes to reach the big goal and give myself a much more realistic deadline.
It’s better than if I had said “May 25” at random. It would not motivate me to do anything, honestly.
2. Stick to the “30 minutes” time frame or other not-overwhelming ones.
It’s important to set a realistic time frame that feels achievable to commit to daily: 20, 30 minutes, an hour, or more. We define it ourselves, set a timer, and start working.
Instead of planning daily tasks and fitting them into a time frame, it’s better to set a time frame and adjust our daily tasks to match it. This way, we avoid feeling overwhelmed. As we understand our work pace and the time we can realistically dedicate, we can adjust time frames and tasks further.
Within the set time frame, it’s important to stay focused and avoid distractions—even small, seemingly harmless notifications on our phones. In the book Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World, Cal Newport shares deep work principles and techniques for distraction-free concentration.
3. Separate work and personal planners.
Work planners are obviously full of work tasks and goals. If we add personal to-dos, they can get lost among other urgencies.
Instead, we can schedule “30 minutes” in our work planner from 7:30 to 8:00 p.m., for example. This way, we know that the task has a dedicated time frame and is after work.
When the time comes, we will not need to check work planners to see what to do. There is already a lot there—unfinished projects and tomorrow’s plans, one glimpse of which causes unnecessary stress. And suddenly, all personal tasks and goals seem less urgent and important.
When we keep our dedicated timeframes in our work calendars (just not to forget that we have them) and organize personal goals in a separate planner, we set boundaries, focus more, and do not let work affect our aspirations.
Setting deadlines can be challenging, but we should not be too harsh on ourselves. The key is to create boundaries between work and personal goals, one step at a time, and focus on small tasks to avoid feeling overwhelmed.
Plus, we have the privilege here: since goals and deadlines are our own, we can adjust and organize them as we want—everything to achieve those big, meaningful goals out here.
This article was written by Viktoriia Alfimova, blog writer for productivity, time, & project management SaaS companies.